Dear Ben Affleck
Congratulations on the premiere of your new flick, Hollywoodland. I hope it does well, and I hope you're good in it. I used to like you a ton, back when I was in college. Then I saw Pearl Harbor. And everything you did after that. I wouldn't mind liking you again, now that you're married to Jennifer Garner, the most adorable woman on the planet. That's why I'm writing to you today. Be good to Jennifer. Look at that face! She's precious. And sweet.

To truly - and succinctly - get my point across, I'm going to reach back to a classic line from cinema history. Let me set the scene:

Our Amanda Jones (Lea Thompson) is, begrudgingly, on a date with Keith (Eric Stoltz), a dorky red-headed guy from her high school (and, may I remind you, the wrong side of the tracks - just like Amanda). Best friend Watts (Mary Stuart Masterson), with her blonde pixie cut and unrequited love, is the chauffeur for the evening. Just when Keith is out of ear shot, Watts leans in and menacingly whispers to Amanda:

You break his heart, I break your face.

So, Ben Affleck, change that pronoun and then take my words to heart. That Jennifer is some kind of wonderful. (See what I did there?)

Love,
Aunt Tilly