I Heart Joaquin Phoenix














Aunt B will be thankful for J.P. at the dinner table tomorrow. As everyone should.

Happy Drunksgiving!

So, Lindsay Lohan managed to get herself into her fourth car accident in 18 months... and this time, it was with a cop car in London. Way to go, LiLo. You've managed to surpass only the great Leif Garrett when it comes to driving-related misdemeanors.

But that's not the worst part. The original post I learned of this information from had this photo attached to it (thanks Vera!), and we need to dissect the many things that are wrong with LiLo:

1. She looks sooo stoned and/or drunk, that I am surprised she is even still walking.

2. One word (with two syllables for extra emphasis) about that hair: faaa-aaake.

3. Is it just me, or is there a lot of skin showing between her chin and the top of that shirt? I don't know about you, but the last time I checked there are these things called boobs that generally (generally) hang out in that particular area. With that much space between the two, the girls have to be showing somewhere! There is just no possible way that the shirt is covering anything at this point.... unless: is LiLo really a man? She does look a little drag-queenish.

Hope you have a happy drunksgiving, LiLo. I cannot wait to hear all the gossip out of Hollywood come Monday morning. I have a feeling that somehow, it will involve LiLo, her car, and an unfortunate accident with the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade. Here's to hoping...

Happy Thanksgiving!
Aunt Tilly has a busy day ahead of her, so she only has time for one post. Have a green bean casserole-and-homemade stuffing-filled day tomorrow. While your mama's cooking will fill up your stomach, let these pictures of my favorite boys fill up your heart. Awwww. (Click for a much bigger 'n' better view!)

Lanced!: Posh
The severe librarian look was bad enough, but this? All the money you could want, and this is what you spend it on? I'm so Lanced! by this, I can barely see the scrumptiousness that is Becks over there. He's a brave, brave man. Or maybe insane.

The Fairy Tale Continues
You've had your fairy tale wedding at an Italian castle. Your rich, oddly dressed friends were in attendance, as was the actress you've hired to play your seven-month-old child. Your plump husband promised to give you a pan, a comb - maybe even a cat! And now you're off on a romantic honeymoon to some place called the Maldives, which sounds spendy and tropical. How could life get any better? Your husband could bring his best friend along:

Giving the People What they Demand
The Spike/Dorf picture was so popular* yesterday, I've decided to post a picture of the original Dorf, Tim Conway.

*Acutally, there was one comment on that post, and I think the writer was actually commenting on the Spike part, not the Dorf part. But you can never be too sure, so I'm hedging my bets. Whatever that means.

BPotD: James
It's my blog, I'll post two in a row if I want to!

Gag Me with a Silver Spoon
So Paris Hilton got up to sing at a Jay-Z performance... and barfed all over the stage. I'd write more, but I can't see the keyboard through my tears of laughter. (Picture is, I think, from House of Wax. Don't you love how thorough I am with my research?)

I Heart Joaquin Phoenix

Shhh... don't tell ZB. But I still heart J.P., too. How could you not?

The Best of Braff

You know, I still heart ZB. He has just been off the radar for awhile, so there was nothing to gossip about. And I won't even mention the horrible flash-in-the-pan rumor about ZB dating Jessica Biel... oh, wait, I just did. But that was (thankfully) just a rumor. ZB is still available to date yours truly.

But, as a reminder... Scrubs returns next Thursday, 11/30 at 9 p.m. EST. Watch it... it could still possibly be the last season with ZB, especially once he meets me and we run away to China to adopt eighteen children and work as ambassadors in some poor, small village. Like Brangelina, only everyone will call us Braffunny, and we will be way cooler.

Anyway... Back to the matter at hand: ZB. Scrubs. Thursdays. 9 p.m.

We're Here, We're Queer, We're.... Doogie Howser and His Boyfriend?

Hello, snarky fans. Aunt T and I are baaaack. After a much needed hiatus (and not to mention lots of work to do... when are we going to start getting paid to be snarky and blow this popsicle stand? Yes, we work at a popsicle stand), we are back in action.

Now, I know this is a pretty much old news, but... when did Neil Patrick Harris become gay? Is gay the new Scientology? Are there incentives for recruitment, like in Mary Kay? Did Elton John get a pink Cadillac for recruiting all these fresh new gay starlets? I am so confused. I never heard anything about NPH's sexuality, let alone that he was gay. So, seeing him out (and I mean OUT) with his boy toy du jour is completely shocking to my system. It just seems so... odd.

What would Doogie do if he were in my place? Well, I have to assume that Vinnie would come over, Doogie would say something snide and sarcastic about Vinnie's poor fashion sense, and then he would write something inspiring and witty in his diary.

Holy crap, Doogie was gay too!!!

Craig, Daniel Craig
I saw Casino Royale this weekend and loved it.
And now you love it too.

City Beckham, Country Beckham
Looks like Posh and Becks got their fashion signals crossed when they jetted off to Rome for the TomKat nuptials. From the neck up, she's pure Posh. From the neck down, severe librarian. And that sweater Becks is trying to work? I think I saw that on a wide-bottomed gal at the local farmer's market last weekend.

I Heart the Scream Queen
Look at how gorgeous Jamie Lee looks. And she's almost 50! Now try to picture Brit-Brit or LiLo at 50. Now that's something to scream about.

Lanced!: Rod Stewart
The whole world just went blind.

BPotD: Spike
William the Bloody does his hilarious Dorf impression.

A TomKat Wedding Present For You
We've been very very busy in our non-Snarky lives, so please forgive the lack of posts. We're making it up to you with this hilarious photo. Yes, TomKat got hitched. No, it may not be legal. Yes, we are sick of hearing about them. But check out this hilarious post from Spank Cheeks (a website that is not necessarily SFW):

Everything I Needed to Know About Parenting, I Learned from Joe Simpson
Check out this quote from proud papa Rod Stewart:

One of my daughters was a bit flat-chested so she had implants. She's got a lovely pair now. Nothing wrong with it, I reckon, if it does wonders for a girl's confidence.

Wonderful.

Mmmm... More Sawyer
Like you've had enough? Unpossible!

BPotD: The Scoobies
I'm not sure what's going on here, but I think I like it.

Mmmmm, Sawyer

Lanced!: Denise & Pam
I don't care if it's for a movie. It's just wrong.

A Day in the Life of Katie Holmes

• Steak dinner for two at Morton's in Beverly Hills: $10,000

• One ounce of Clive Christian 1 perfume to be worn on your wedding day: $2,350
  
  
• Spending your life with this man: Priceless

Need a Laugh?
Check out this snippet from Us Online:

In direct contradiction to Spears' petition, Federline asks that the court award him sole physical and legal custody of their two children, Sean Preston, 13 months, and Jayden James, 8 weeks. He asks that the court only award Spears child visitation rights, and that Spears pay his attorney fees, as well as spousal support.

Where's Stephen When You Need Him?
Looks like Stephen Baldwin needs to spend less time skateboarding for Jesus, and more time praying for his brother Daniel to straighten out. Here's a mug shot, courtesy of TMZ (it's their exclusive photo, not ours!), from Daniel's latest run-in with the law. "Grand Theft Auto" looks fine on a resume, but not so much on a police record.

Spy Basics 101
I used to watch Alias all the time, and you know how much I heart Jennifer Garner. Still, I was always bothered by how, when Syd was on a spy job, she spent a lot of time looking around like she was doing something wrong. That's a dead giveaway that you shouldn't be doing what you're doing.

So, what's Wentworth Miller up to? Based on this expression, I think it's safe to assume he's not just checking email.

BPotD: Mr. Green
You know you need a little Oz in your life.

I Don't Care if Tom Cruise Brainwashed You and Forced You to Wear Them OR Katie Holmes and the Entire Universe Should NOT Wear Skinny Jeans... EVER

Here's TomKat at the latest Cruise progeny soccer match. I don't know which non-biological child was participating, nor do I really care anymore.

What I do care about is Katie's awful outfit. I know she is all svelte now that Tom is treating her like a Navy Seal in order to get her "fit" for their wedding (i.e. down to his fighting weight). But please, don't weat those ugly skinny jeans that have no where else to go, so they end up bunching at the ankles. And don't wear them with a shirt that rides up to show us your newly minted stretch marks. And certainly don't wear them with fugly-beyond-all-belief ballet flats.

That's just my two cents.

I Heart Joaquin Phoenix

Here's some J.P. from his days modelling Prada. I am assuming it was an all-Vegan Prada line, since he's a strict Vegan. I'd be willing to give up all things animal-by-product if I could have some J.P. in its stead.

Either way... J.P. is so hot, it makes my brain hurt.

It's That Time of Year Again
It's not too early to think about Thanksgiving. And I'm not talking turkey, stuffing, and second helpings of green bean casserole. I'm talking things to be thankful for, including the release of 90210 on DVD! Hallelujah! Check out this picture of Kelly, David, Steve, Brandon, and Andrea from the release party (click for a bigger view).

And now jump over here to Go Fug Yourself, to read one of the most hilarious descriptions ever.

Did You?
I did, and so did Jennifer Garner. And she looked adorable doing it. Of course!

Bad Day for the Fed
And I don't just mean the federal government. (Dang, I'm clever.) Alas, Brit-Brit has filed for dee-vorce from her husband of two years, Kevin Cletus Earl Federline. Our dear friend (though she may not know it) Vera at our favorite celeblog, I'm Not Obsessed, has some great details:

• K-Fed won’t touch a penny of Britney’s money.
• The mansion will be divided 50/50.
• Any gift given worth over $10,000 will go back to the original purchaser.
  
• She will still support him for a little while longer. Brit will pay Kevin $30,000 a month for the period of time that is half the length of their marriage.
  
• Spears won’t pay child support.

I think the thing on all of our minds today is: Who will Brit hook up with next? It will have to be someone classy, likely older. George Clooney, anyone?

Lanced!: Gwen Stefani's New Album Cover
Seriously, people think this is attractive? Sexy? Hot? It's like the 80s threw up on my computer screen, and then someone Photoshopped the puke to death.

BPotD: David
Sorry for the lack of posts. Aunt Tilly has been very busy. To make it up to you, here's an adorable picture of David Boreanaz. Too bad he's not wearing blue!

*We* Heart Joaquin Phoenix

This one's for KPop. Glad to have someone who hearts J.P. as much as I do.

"There's only one if in that sentence, June."

My Eyes! My Eyes!

Looks like it is a LiLo packed return to the world of celeblogging for Miss Bunny.

Check out one of the many costumes LiLo wore for Halloween.

Shudder. I don't think I will ever be able to get this image out of my head. Contrary to popular opinion, there really are some things that are always inappropriate, even for Halloween. LiLo has proven that to me time and time again.

WTF?! Lindsay Lohan Can Hide Behind a Piece of Pizza?

When I first saw these pics, I was first baffled. And then I began to laugh hysterically when I looked a little closer. Here's LiLo, leaving Paris Hilton's house the other morning... on a side note, when did having sleepovers when you are a grown adult become acceptable and chic? Do they have pillow fights? Are there makeovers involved? Because they could all use a real makeover.

I digress.

Anyway, LiLo, upon leaving, felt it necessary to shield herself from the paparazzi with the biggest and nearest object she could find... which just happened to be an old pizza box from the garbage. Which has a piece of pizza hanging from the bottom!! Hilarious!


















The only thing that would have made this funnier to me would be if, once she got to her car, if she took that piece of pizza and took a huge honkin' bite out of it. But we all know then she would have to go home and throw it up... too many calories, and not an ounce of liquor.